The lights are blurred…or maybe my vision is…

I took another hit. Dragged it in till I felt the heat.

Life’s good!.

I smiled, Chuckled, giggled then broke into an uncontrollable laughter.

Fuck the world!. Fuck love!!.

Life’s good!!

(black out)

I stared at John Jerry. He smiles. ‘Baby are you okay?’. I know what he wants!.

Maybe I should fuck him so he can stop all the pretence. My boyfriend’s brother! Won’t that be funny?

I laughed again.

I took the last cup of cocktail, I lost count of how many I had. 12? 10?.

My fingers are numb. The glass cup slides easily and shatters on the ground.

My friends are laughing and teasing. ‘Mehn Mary is so knocked up I swear!’

I laugh with them. A little louder than them though. I love these crazy mofos!

(black out)

I should pee. I want to pee.

I stand and stagger to the toilet. Stumbling on the empty bottles of Vodka and Jack Daniels.

The toilet is exceptionally bright. Too bright! I can even see the toilet seat!.

(black out)

I sit on the floor. Its cold!. Cold and comfortable! In a funny way!.

Damn!. I fumble with the lighter and the 5th wrap of cannabis.

Suck on it. Draw it in deeply, Let it socialize with my lungs, play around in my chest, evaporate the emotions. It escaped through my ears and nostrils.

(black out)

My boyfriend walks in. He tries to get me up. Why?. He suddenly cares again?. Or does he want to beat me up again?.

I tell him to fuck off!!. He’s pissed. We start arguing.

(black out)

I kiss him. Awwwwwnnnn, he so cute. He doesn’t kiss me back. I touch his face, he pulls my hands off.

Oh! What the hell!!

That’s my jam!. I jump up and dance rhythmlessly to Timaya’s Shake Your Bum Bum.

(black out)

I feel worn out and retire to Benson and Hedges. This joint is weak. A few sticks before I feel it.

(black out)

Tonight is on!. In the words of Drake ‘Its my birthday, I’ll get high if I want to!!’…. Only that its not my birthday. Who cares?.

A couple more flirty dances with strangers

(black out)

We need to go. I get into his car. I can see he’s angry.

(black out)

I don’t want to take a shower. He’s forcing me!. No!. He hits me!. I felt that!. I’m crying! But I can’t move!!.

(black out)

I reach for my phone, 8:05am. I feel bruised. He is laying beside me, holding me. I know he did it again!.

(black out)

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