Tag Archive: lagos


OWAMBE!!!!

Saturdays are my favourite days , not just because its the weekend, but also because of  the numerous weddings that take place in lagos on this great day, the countless number of  happy people hopping around in thier colourful aso-ebi, the  road block on less busy streets, the blaring of music from loud speakers and the overall jolly  surrondings all make saturdays quite special. . Well yesterday was another saturday., and I’ll tell you how it went down at one of the Owambe parties.jjjjj

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I slept right through the church ceremony!. Yawning visibly as the couple recited thier vows. Not like I did it purposely, I could hardly concentrate on any part of the event because a raging hunger was drilling a hole in my stomach. I’m not one to show how hungry I am in public,no matter how bad, but for the past few days, the closest I’d come to good food was a bowl of  garri without sugar! And that was two days ago!!. There comes a time when you just get entirely broke in school and there’s just no escape route to avert hunger!! I’ve been there more than humanly possible, that’s why today I decided to follow my friend, Bidemi for a wedding. I was not invited, No, but was my friend invited either?.. Technically, yes, but reasonably no, hell no!. Her brother’s girlfriend’s aunty’s friend’s sister’s husband’s colleage at work was the person that baked the wedding cake!. At least, Bidemi was putting on the wedding colours, I on the other hand looked completely lost, putting on a trench coat with mismatched pants. Yes! I know I was looking extremely riddiculous, in short hideous is a better adjective, but what can I say, early morning hunger has a lot of side effects; blurry vision, colour blindness, dry mouth, fidgetting, did I mention blurry vision?. So there I sat, lost in this crowd of happy poeple, my stomach growling like an injured dog. Hour after hour I relied on the sour heated saliva coming out of my mouth while the worms in my stomach kept on roistering about and I was almost running out of spit, so you can imagine my relief when the pastor finally said “I now pronounce you husband and wife”. I was so happy that I screamed “Let somebody shout Alleluia!!!”, everybody turned and must have guessed I was a close aquintance of the newly weds.

Through the bustle and rush, geles and agbada, I sped off quickly and hijacked a seat at the forefront in the reception hall. Mehn! Dulling is a sin oh!. Gracefully but impatiently waiting for the event to kick off.  For some minutes, there was a slight confusion from the high table, followed by a scurry of guests and then the M.C announced something which I did not hear (You see, In my bid to get a front row seat, I had to bench down near the amplifier which was almost getting me deaf!). The annoucement had incited the geles and agbadas to move and turn their chairs in the opposite direction. Before I could realise the change of the sitting arrangement, I was seated at the back of the boisterious crowd!…

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(To be continued )

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06:00
‘Griiiiinnnnnnng!’
‘Griinnnnnnnnnnng!!’
‘Griiiiinnnnnnnnnnnng!!!’
My alarm clock kept blaring in my ears pushing me to wake up from my dream were I was winning that plane From MTN WIN AN AEROPLANE PROMO!. I didn’t want to, but this stupid alarm clock was drilling a hole through my brain!. Two days till the weekend and I didn’t feel like going to work!. I sighed and stretched my legs lazily under the covers.
‘Griinnnnnnnnnnng!’
‘Griinnnnnnnnnnng!!’
‘Griiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnng!!!!’
I angrily got out of bed and put off the annoying clock. Muttered some curses to Nepa when my leg hit the table. My back was soaked with sweat! No light all through the night! Na wa o!.
Hissing audibly, I knelt down and offered some prayers to God. Then brought out my work clothes, at least I still had some ironed shirts to wear. It was very bright outside so I checked my clock 06:10, I still had time. I strolled out of my one room apartment to get water from the big basin outside, the tap was not flowing because there was no light.
06:12
I was so angry when I realized there was no water there!. I’m sure those riff raffs (my landlord’s children) must have used up all the water. I walked back into my house, got a big jerrycan and carried my phone. You wouldn’t believe! The time on my phone was actually 07:15!!!! The devil is truly horrible!! My alarm was late again!! Blood of Jesus!! I rushed out of my house and ran quickly to the community tap.
07:20
Just as I was dragging my 50 litres back home, I couldn’t help but notice a small girl wailing as a fat woman; perhaps her guardian, kept on flogging her energetically with a bunch of broom!. Seeing the situation, I took pity on the poor girl.
‘Madam its okay now! What ever she has done please forgive her!’ I pleaded. I don’t know who sent me because immediately I said those words, the woman stopped and gave me a whole year’s supply of insults right on the spot! I was too stunned to remember the rest, but I recall her saying ‘Ahh amebo oshi!!..Olori buruku!…Abi is your papa that give her belle?!’ With that, I put my can on my head and ran as fast as I could, from this obviously demented woman!!.
07:32
I was ready for work, locked up and was on my way when the rumbling in my tummy reminded me that I had not eaten since yesterday morning (akara and ogi). I ignored it and joined the endless BRT queue.
07:35
I realised that ignoring my hunger was a bad idea,so i excused myself and decided to feast the worms in my stomach to a hot plate of ‘agidi’ beans. The smell of accumulated sweat, stale urine, smoke from exhaust pipes, a cigarette, the noise; chattering of fellow commuters, car horns, a baby crying, the tension of my boss’ call all somehow got mixed up with the beans in my stomach and the previous day’s akara and there I felt the first pangs of stomach purge!. (Oh God!)
07:51
The bus ride wasn’t enjoyable!.I was sweating profusely! Maybe it was because of the hot purge boiling in my stomach or the hot chick sitting beside me! Someminutes later I rushed down to get a bike. I didn’t even price with the okada man! I just climbed and told the guy ‘Full speed abeg!’ That was another bad idea! Trust all these hausa bike riders! Drifting and swerving like the cars in NFS Ps3! Next thing I heard was SPLASH!. In an attempt to overtake a car, the guy drove right through a muddle!. I couldn’t complain about the muddy brown polka dots on my blue tshirt!.
08:08
I stumbled into my office, dirty,sweaty, sticky, sunburned, disheveled and looking confused. I bowed my head low as my oga reprimanded me for my late coming. Suddenly, just as he was about to sentence me to extra working hours, I felt the cringe!, A slow, painful, hot surge of excreta . I swear I couldn’t hear anything else as I Dashed for the staff toilet almost pushing my oga down!.
08:20
All I can say as I walked shamefully out of the toilet is that I gave the toilet a smelly, noisy and shitty make over!.
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Yes, Yes, Yes Y’all!! Its Friday!!! Well, to people like me, our weekend has started already! Yaay! *dancing gagnum style* 🙂 If you’re still at work…uhh read this quickly and finish up!. The time to unwind and relieve the stress of the whole week, ease off the lagos traffic, blaring horns, exhaust smokes et all! Ofcourse our beautiful lagos city will definitely come alive today! So grab it by the horns!
Start your weekend big!. Visit silverbird cinema or genesis. Watch Resident evil retribution, Borne legacy, The dictator or single and married, for African movie lovers.
For the very Christian folks, today Blessomania’s Regular gig at Nigeria’s foremost Christian Club at 21, Majaro Street, By Onike Roundabout is going down.
The club tourists! (we know ourselves 😉 ) Atlantic, Club 02, La Casa, Planet 44; Bacchus are all open tonight! (All in Victoria island) Club Do It All (in sheraton), Options too both in Allen avenue, Aura lounge ikeja.
If you are not in the mood to club, you can opt to just go for an interesting dinner La Koreana, Baywatch, Chinatown in V.I got you covered. Tanjia; the morrocan restaurant The interior is gorgeous, a real North African experience. Find yourself a secluded room for tea and cake, or sit near the front for more formal dining and there’s also a club upstairs just in case you change your mind (strictly by membership though). You could settle for any KFC near you.
And if you are looking for a little ‘sumfn’ 😉 crazy night perhaps you should visit cazz bar or wall street(I don’t advise though; but if you insist) or Cave exclusive bar. But please don’t go to Stainless!! *spits*
Maybe you’d like the Concert by the Eduardo Ramos Ensemble Moçárabe… Boring?…
Or you could just stay at home, have a warm and loving time with your family. Watch a movie or two. Watch Jacobs cross or Beyond and back, or my personal favourite Gossip girl S6 😀
Whatever you do, make sure you have fun and ease off the stress. Tomorrow will think of itself.
Life’s Too Short To Be Sitting Around Miserable!!
Have a fun Friday!!! Maybe I’ll see you somewhere on the island tonight, you never know!! 😉 :*

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