*wipes seat*
*sits down*
Hey there!! :D. How’s it going?!..Well, today has been a very interesting day! But not as interesting as yesterday!. Yesterday, was my little nephew’s birthday! Hurray!!! As exciting as that sounds, I was struggling hard to escape form home just to avoid all the chores of cooking, arranging and the sort. But unfortunately, everytime I tried to get out, there was always a excuse for me to remain! One by one I watched and received about 15 visitors, (not visitors, actually my annoying relatives! Yes! The kind that like to stalk all your activities on facebook, ask you if you now have a boyfriend!, say how big your boobs have grown!!!!) Anyway, there was laughter, food and drinks everyone was having a good time! So I decided this was the perfect time to escape and go out! I got dressed, called my cab guy and started moving stealthily towards the door. “Oseahumen!!!”.
Fuckery!!! Momsy caught me!!
“Are you going some where?” She asked! Well, I’m not really a fast liar, so I took some time before I replied!
‘Yes, mom!, Uhhhhmm Joy isn’t feeling well, I just want to go and see her, I’d be back soon!’ (Joy, I’m so sorry for lying with ur name :*)
“Okay, hurry, you have to come back and clean up!” She finally let me go!!.. I ran like I was just released from jail! Jumped into the taxi, straight to my ‘other friend’s house’, not Joy’s ofcourse!!!
As expected, I returned back home late, stopped on the way to buy my favourite dinner, Suya and Hollandia. It was past 10 and I was sure that when I got home, everyone would have gone but to my utmost surprise, my pesky cousins were still around!! I could hear their voices from outside!!! Kill Joy!!!. As I was constructing my lie for why I came home late, I was also looking for a perfect getaway for me and my suya! (P.S I’m not one to share my food with anybody!!!). So I walked in, gate was open, as I saw momsy, I quickly rolled up my suya and tucked it into my bag!. I greeted momsy, and narrated my cooked story to her. She seemed to buy it. Then she almost blew my cover!
‘I can perceive suya! Did you buy?!’ I could see the greedy eyes of cousins already anticipated my ‘yes’ so they can feast on my suya!!
“No!” I denied. “Its smoke from outside” I said quickly and rushed up the stairs! I could hear my cousin asking me something!. I ran in and shut the door!! When I heard her come close to my room, I turned off the lights and pretended to sleep. She came in and saw the whole place was dark and quiet and after a few miniutes, she left! Phew!! That was close!!! I brought out the suya and hollandia with a smile of victory. Scared to turn on the lights because of these suya thieves, I ate in darkness. The suya tasted funny but I didn’t bother. Chewed it silently, drank up, washed my hands and called it a great day!!
Apparently, Karma ,į̸s really a wicked bitch!! I woke up by 5am today with a terrible tummy ache. As it turns out, I ate spoilt or rotten suya!! 😐 I had to narrate my story to my momsy, She’s been laughing at me as I’ve been rushing in and out of the toilet all day!! Yes, Feel free to laugh at me too!! 😦
*sigh*
*flushes toilet*
Category: Echoes From The Toilet
No, No, I’m not delusional or hearing strange voices in my head!.. I’m actually in the toilet! :D. Time in the toilet ,į̸s a very special and quiet time for me to personally go through all the day’s activities, to tweet or ping most times while doing my ‘business’ (Don’t Ask!)… Anyway, doing my ‘thing’ while listening to music, Chris Brown’s Don’t Wake Me Up starts playing and then I remember what happened today. You wouldn’t believe!!. I went to the pharmacy to buy Panadol extra for my headache. As I was checking through the shelves, I over heard Mrs Okeke (Our loud mouthed neighbour. P.S We don’t like her! Typical estate gossip!!). She was talking about her house girl Ekaette and something about pregnancy!. Ahhh! Gist!! Me Likey!! 😉 I quickly grabbed the nearest drug to pretend like I was checking it out meanwhile I was seriously listening to her (Don’t judge me o!, Who doesn’t like a amebo!?!). Apparently, Ekaette recently started having dreams where she would meet a handsome guy and he would make love to her in her dreams!. At first it started out as ordinarily kissing the man in her dreams, then it proceeded to full time sex!. And Ekaette confessed that sometimes after the sex with the ‘Dream Man’ she would wake up and see semen on her panties!! (O.O). Shocking!!. Finally, few days ago she opened up to her madam, Mrs Okeke that she ,į̸s pregnant!! Although, she has never physically had sexual intercourse with anybody.. Well, spiritual sexual intercourse with the ‘Dream Man’!! (OMG!!). Mrs Okeke said that she had just dropped Ekaette off in the church to sleep there for her healing!! (*smh*). I was still listening to the gist when my dad came into the pharmacy, I smiled at him and he was coming close when I noticed that his smile had dropped when he looked at my hand! Oh God!! I didn’t realize that I was holding a packet of postinor contraceptives!!! 😐 Anyway, I had a rather enlightening day but with lots of explanation to give to my dad! (*sigh*) But who knew that a spirit husband could impregnate a person!!! Wow!!! So maybe next time before you recite that ‘Dearly beloved…..’ part of Chris Brown’s song, you might want to change it to ‘Dearly beloved, if this love only exists in my dreams, Please WAKE ME UP!!!!’.. Don’t be a learner!!.. Anyway, till next time..I’d be here to give you the most incredulous fictitious stories ever!!!
*flushes toilet*
See ya real soon!!! 😉
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