A WHOLE ME!!!!!!!

I had to start the new year with a new year post!!! Its the first day of the first month of a new year, what kind of blogger would I be if I don’t wish my family over here in blogsville a happy new year?!.. So I have to do this quickly so I can go back to the healthy piece of chicken drum I was feasting on! Happy new year mi hearties!!

I’m glad we made it mehn!! If you’ve ever seen the movie ‘2012’ you would know that we are real survivors!. I’m just writting as it comes so please pardon any form of senselessness and digression. The title of this post may somewhat be misleading, it  popped into my head while I was trying to deeply meditate on the befiting title to give to this collection of mumbo jumbo, when Mother dearest with all her love called me to wash dinner plates!!  WHAT!!! I was furious!! ‘A WHOLE ME!!!’ What a condescending chore! Imagine o!. When I just got my nails done and well coated with glossy pepper red!! Haba!! That reminds me, while at the salon yesterday, I had a whole ‘keeping up with the Kardasians’ Therapy session in my head, and I concluded that Kim is just a jealous b*%@#! The only reason she married Kris Humphries, was because Khloe got married to her incredible hunk of a man, but things couldn’t work out because the Kim-Kris love was a fake publicity stunt!! And no, just because Kourtney has 2 kids, Kim’s decided to get a baby with Kanye!!!, Ha!! Yea I feel like a detective right now!! :D. Anyway, as I was rambling, this post is not about my halfness or wholeness (P:S I’m whole!) But its my blog and I name it whatever I desire! :p

I hope everyone had a good New Year Day, I had fun, I ate so much, my stomach began to sweat!! (No jokes!!). Come to think of it, I’m actually getting fatter by the day!Noooo!! Not this fat!! God Forbid!This one ate a whole Chinese village!! Let’s change the topic,my appetitte has been ruined. Lets get down to the moral lesson of this post. Truth is, I’m really tired of new year resolutions!  Last year, I made a lot of resolutions among which was to stop saying things I don’t mean, Oh lord, if I had a naira for every time I told some shrek-like human ‘cute avi’, I might have bought that new ipone 5!.. Anyhoo, lets leave bygones, so I solemnly swore; after I realised that I did the exact opposite of all the resolutions I made, that I’d stop making resolutions. 2012 really went awry. I was involved in alot of dastardly acts and I’m sure I did somethings that are probably illegal in some countries. But all in all (As this is not a reminiscent post), I learnt a lot as you can see in

NINE LESSONS, NO CAROL.

This post is my list of NEW YEAR NOT TO DO!  Yes hunnay you read right.. I’m going straight to the point.

* Dont do NOTHING!

Yea..its sounds stupid, but this not to do is quite important. People just like to lay fallow and not do anything. Maybe a minor setback in life, waiting for WAEC result, waiting for NYSC, once there is a little free time, dont be like the Rich fool in the bible,be productive, start something, sing something, dance something, write something, DO something! Nothing is ever a waste!! Entrepreneurship is trending at the moment, take charge and achieve something!!.

* Dont sit on your ass all day!. Apart from the inspirational aspect of this point, it is also not fitness and medically wise to actually sit on your ass all day!. Not only will you be at risk of obesity, but you are going to have really black ass! (medically proven!!)

*Dont forget your OFF line friends.

While you’re so busy setting and pressing p, and meeting frozen Keeds abi cool kids, dont forget your real friend, your padi padi!. That your friend that your borrowed her bumshorts to go for twitter party or that your guy that you used his iphone to snap mirror pishur…Dont forget them o! Keep your friends close, good friends o, not the one that will go and cook ewedu soup for your boyfriend when you’re not around!!

*Dont NOT buy new pants…Buy pants! Its healthy, its nutritio-sorry, its important!

*DONT

NUFF SAID!!!

*Dont wear a striped shirt on a pair of stripped trousers.

*Dont take a guy who only smiles at you when he sees your posterior serious!

*Dont judge a book by its cover, judge it by the price tag, Dont judge a guy by his display pictures and amount of twitter followers..(Put mouth and body odour into consideration!)

*Dont enter a house  without finding out if there are dogs or wild chickens in there first..

Brethren, I’m now running out of ideas and feeling really sleepy. For more NOT TO DOs please refer to the Holy Bible, The 10 Commandments are there for you.

But before I end, I would like to give honour to who it is due

Happy new year to

The Chatter Blog

How to love Igbo things

Phantom Pages

Inside Yetee’s Mind

tymeandtyde ,

A big new year kiss to all the afore mentioned (pardon my breath, I just ate pringles onion bossom :&) Thanks for keeping my first few months on blogville inspiring and for expanding my ‘readability’ 😀

A prosperous new year to every one else, You can anticipate much more posts, I’m here to publish!!

I hope I’ve been able to convince you , and not confuse you that fathers are better than mothers!!

Oh that’s not the topic?

Well,……

Those good ol debating days….

Please lemme stop here!!!!

ADIOS!

OWAMBE!!!!

Saturdays are my favourite days , not just because its the weekend, but also because of  the numerous weddings that take place in lagos on this great day, the countless number of  happy people hopping around in thier colourful aso-ebi, the  road block on less busy streets, the blaring of music from loud speakers and the overall jolly  surrondings all make saturdays quite special. . Well yesterday was another saturday., and I’ll tell you how it went down at one of the Owambe parties.

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I slept right through the church ceremony!. Yawning visibly as the couple recited thier vows. Not like I did it purposely, I could hardly concentrate on any part of the event because a raging hunger was drilling a hole in my stomach. I’m not one to show how hungry I am in public,no matter how bad, but for the past few days, the closest I’d come to good food was a bowl of  garri without sugar! And that was two days ago!!. There comes a time when you just get entirely broke in school and there’s just no escape route to avert hunger!! I’ve been there more than humanly possible, that’s why today I decided to follow my friend, Bidemi for a wedding. I was not invited, No, but was my friend invited either?.. Technically, yes, but reasonably no, hell no!. Her brother’s girlfriend’s aunty’s friend’s sister’s husband’s colleage at work was the person that baked the wedding cake!. At least, Bidemi was putting on the wedding colours, I on the other hand looked completely lost, putting on a trench coat with mismatched pants. Yes! I know I was looking extremely riddiculous, in short hideous is a better adjective, but what can I say, early morning hunger has a lot of side effects; blurry vision, colour blindness, dry mouth, fidgetting, did I mention blurry vision?. So there I sat, lost in this crowd of happy poeple, my stomach growling like an injured dog. Hour after hour I relied on the sour heated saliva coming out of my mouth while the worms in my stomach kept on roistering about and I was almost running out of spit, so you can imagine my relief when the pastor finally said “I now pronounce you husband and wife”. I was so happy that I screamed “Let somebody shout Alleluia!!!”, everybody turned and must have guessed I was a close aquintance of the newly weds.

Through the bustle and rush, geles and agbada, I sped off quickly and hijacked a seat at the forefront in the reception hall. Mehn! Dulling is a sin oh!. Gracefully but impatiently waiting for the event to kick off.  For some minutes, there was a slight confusion from the high table, followed by a scurry of guests and then the M.C announced something which I did not hear (You see, In my bid to get a front row seat, I had to bench down near the amplifier which was almost getting me deaf!). The annoucement had incited the geles and agbadas to move and turn their chairs in the opposite direction. Before I could realise the change of the sitting arrangement, I was seated at the back of the boisterious crowd!…

😀

(To be continued )

Thanks for reading, the comment and LIKE box are there for you!

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THE DISTANT BEAT…..

The sound of the bata drums filled my ears

            As I moved my shoulders back and forth to the rhythm           

Each beat was the start of an energetic motion

Swift movement,  swirl of hips and upper body.

Vigorous as I jerked my shoulders,

Almost getting to a squat

Jerking my shoulders

And holding on to my Aso-Oke.

The crowd was relentless.

 ‘More!’ they screamed. ‘Give us more!!’

The first dancers had stopped to cheer me.

I could see they could now hear.

But it was not always so

They had not always accepted me.

The on-lookers were mesmerised.

My dance was unusual.

I did not go with the beat

Nothing like the ballerinas,

Neither was it a pantomime.

To them, I had lost my sanity.

Yes. I lost my sanity to the beat

The beat led me, it guided me

But they didn’t accept it.

Some called it ‘Some sort of African ritual’

The rest chose to tag me ‘mentally unstable’!

But I could hear it

“The distant beat of my father’s talking drum”

They could not hear it

-“The only way out is the way through”

I could not stop dancing

Even if my dance was different.

They needed to hear my beat

And they would dance with me.

It was not easy

Convincing the crowd, sidelining the stereotype

Sweat, pain, tension,

But then they began to hear it,

The distant beat.

The show had reached its peak,

The crowd did not hold back their joy

And applause was palpable.

But then it started to rain,

A heavy downpour.

And sometimes the thunder and lightening

Drowned the sound of the distant beat.

Ant the wind tried to blow me off my feet.

Then I heard it once more..

It was faint,

But the more I danced the more it got louder

The crowed was dismayed by my relentless effort

The high and low were there to watch

Children, men and women

They honoured me, my dance and my distant beat

Then the rain stopped

And I could see the halo

My dance was over

I moved my back in union with the last rhythm

I did not hear it anymore

I could dance no more.

But I was fulfilled

I had danced the dance I was meant to dance

My dance will not be forgotten

And someone else will follow the distant beat

Because I had followed my beat till the end

But now, after everyhting

It was time to meet with the lord of the dance.

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No! I’m not dying. I just wanted to write a memoir of my life, see how it pans out and understand how I see my life and life in full spectrum. Thanks for reading.

 

 

LIVE FROM #TheHeadies !!! #Headies2012

*adjusting lips stick*
(Cameranman) : pssst, we are live!!
Oh, Yes, Yes, Yes Y’all!!!!!!!! You’ve heard, You’ve Seen, But you’re Reading It Here FIRST!!!! Fingers are crossed, the tension is rising, davido is crying :x… Anyhow, Its The headies! Anything can happen!! Finally, we are getting know the best of the best!!
*clears throat*
Song of the year- Mr Endowed himsel!! D’banj!!
Producer of the year- TY Mix!!
Best street pop- *humming gaga crazy* Its Chuddy K!!
Artist of the year ‘My home boy Wizzy Wizkid!!
Best RnB single- Mr May D!!
Best RnB Pop single Album- My niccurs PSquare!!
Best pop single- Iyanya Kukere *dancing etighi*
Best rap single- V.E.C Vector!!
Revelation of the year award- Wizzy!!
Best music video – Chop my money!!
Congrats to those that has received their awards! Much love from me!!
Aiit!! Ma people!!! This is what has been announced for now.. In case you missed out on my LIVE FROM THE HEADIES SEQUENCE feel free to check my previous posts and also see the nominations list in my previous posts! Stay locked down to my blog and in a couple of hours, I bring to you the exclusive list of awards and the winners!! Keep it real, its your blog host sticky fingers…… You’ve been my precious readers, so don’t go no where, stay right there on your bed and i’ll be right back!!!! xoxox….
*drops Mic and rushes to hug Brymo* 😉

LIVE FROM #TheHeadies !!!! 2#Headies2012

*camera*
*lights*
*tape rolling*
‘Action!’
Yes! Yes! Y’all!! I’m back!! Nothing major is going on though! The yellow carpet is officially on fire because of all the hot people on it! Eva is looking great! Gbemi’s cute!, Toolz is fab! Omawunmi is gracious!! Well, its a night of bliss and I’m taking it all in second by second, we’re just getting started!! By the way in case you missed the nominations, here it is.. *gives you lastman jacket* ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Everybody Loves Ice Prince – Ice Prince
The Invasion – P-Square
Superstar – Wizkid
Super C Season – Naeto C
ARTISTE OF THE YEAR
P-Square
Wizkid
Ice Prince
Naeto C
D’Banj.
SONG OF THE YEAR
Chop My Money – P-Square ft. Akon & May-D
Dami Duro – Davido
Oliver Twist – D’Banj
Gaga Crazy – Chuddy K
Kukere – Iyanya
RECORDING OF THE YEAR
Stupid Song – Bez
Private Trips – Wande Coal
Ara – Brymo
I Love You – Praiz
PRODUCER OF THE YEAR
Cobhams – Stupid Song (Bez)
Tee-Y Mix – Super C Season (Naeto C)
Shizzy – Dami Duro (Davido)
Jay Sleek – Private Trips (Wande Coal)
Jesse Jagz – E.L.I (Ice Prince)
BEST MUSIC VIDEO (AWARD GOES TO DIRECTOR)
5 & 6 (Naeto C) – Clarence Peters
Chop My Money Remix (P-Square) – Jude Okoye
Ara (Brymo) – Aje Filmworks
Kosorombe (Dipp ft. Da Grin) – Mex
BEST R ‘ N ’ B SINGLE
Private Trips – Wande Coal
Stupid Song – Bez
Nawti – Olu Maintain
Soundtrack – May D
Love Me (3X) – Tiwa Savage
BEST POP SINGLE
Dami Duro – Davido
Oliver Twist – D’Banj
Gaga Crazy – Chuddy K
Chop My Money – P-Square
Kukere – Iyanya
BEST R ‘ N ’ B/ POP ALBUM
Superstar – Wizkid
Super Sun – Bez
Versus – 9ice
The Invasion – P-Square
BEST RAP SINGLE
Too Much Money – Iceberg Slim
Shutdown – Phyno
Angeli – Vector ft. 9ice
Oh My Gosh – Yung6ix
Young Erikina – Olamide
BEST RAP ALBUM
E.L.I – Ice Prince
The Dreamer Project – Show Dem Camp
Rapsodi – Olamide
Super C Season – Naeto C
LYRICIST ON THE ROLL
Vector – Angeli
Yung6ix – Oh My Gosh
Iceberg Slim – Too Much Money
Phyno – Shutdown
Erigga – Mo Street Gan
BEST COLLABO
Chop My Money remix – P-Square ft. Akon & May-D
Angeli – Vector Ft. 9ice
Carolina – Sauce Kid Ft. Davido
Stupid Song – Bez Ft. Praiz
Orobo – Sound Sultan Ft. Excel & Flavour
BEST VOCAL PERFORMANCE (MALE)
Wande Coal – Private trips
Banky W – Low Key
Praiz – I Love You
Brymo – Ara
Bez – Stupid Song
BEST VOCAL PERFORMANCE (FEMALE)
Tiwa Savage – Love Me, Love, Love Me
Chidinma – Kedike
Ijeoma – Oloomi
Waje – Na The Way
Dancefloor
Zahara (South Africa) – Loliwe
BEST STREET HOP
Kako Bi Chicken – Reminisce
Gaga Crazy – Chuddy K
Akpako – Terry G
Roll – Rayce
Mo Street Gan – Erigga
NEXT RATED
Davido
Eva Alordiah
Praiz
Chuddy K FlowSsick.
HIP HOP WORLD REVELATION OF THE YEAR
Wizkid
Ice Prince
Bez
Timi Dakolo Olamide.
All right! Keep your fingers crossed, stay locked down to this blog and chill o get to winner as soon as its announced!!.
Incase you missed the intro, just click on ‘previous’… Feel free to comment on all the posts and like too!!
Sticky Fingers will be right back!!
*drops Mic*

In Other News: NOLLYWOOD MOST WANTED BACHELOR, JIM IYKE, TURNS DAD OVER NIGHT!!

Well, I just heard! Handsome nollywood bad boy, Jim Iyke, recognized for his rouge and irresponsible roles in Nigeria movies now has a big responsibility in his hands, an 11 year old son!!
According to Stella Dimokorkus of EncomiumMagazine – Jim Iyke himself just found out that he has a son who is his mirror image and he is in shock because he found out a few days ago and does not know how to handle the situation. The star actor is yet to meet his son but they have spoken once on the phone”.
Many years ago the controversial actor met and fell in love with an Abia state University undergraduate (now a Uk based Barrister) named Chantelle Nkechi Benson. One thing led to another and she found out”she was four months pregnant whilst on pills”. Click to continue reading.
She left Nigeria with Jim’s new born baby without his knowlwedge and kept him secret for 11years but the lid was blown off Chantelle’s secret when a concerned cousin called Jim and told him about his son…The cousin gave Jim Chantelles Number and the shocked actor called to find out the truth.
Little Mario is described to be as headstrong as his father and is unhappy about having a celeb father he has not met before.
As you read this the Jim iyke is sober and in a great shock … Chantelle is a drop dead beauty and is financially stable.
For Chantelle’s interview with Stella Dimokorkus buy the next edition of Encomium Magazine. So, I wonder what next for Jimmy? Marriage??

LIVE FROM #TheHeadies !!!!!

😀
*grabs Mic*
Good Evening ladies and gentlemen! Finally, the most anticipated day in October is finally here! The headies night!! A night of greatness and empowerment! The decision night ! Who takes home a head? Who goes home with a sad head? Who earned big? Who made it? Who looked good? Who looked retarded!! Well, I’ll be your blog host for tonight, hosting from the hosts; Mr Incredible and Gorgeous Omawunmi Live from the headies!! Join me as I commend and condemn, as I comment in my words each activity that takes place tonight!! Burna boy has been spotted, Mr capable, Toolz, T.Y Mix, are all in sight! Heels and Gowns, Blazers and Blings!! Paparazzi flashes everywhere!! Bliss!! We’ve just seen the red car for the Next Rated Artist!! Magnifico! I’ve go my chips on my home girl Eva though!, Well, no need to stress honey, Lay on your bed, grab a coke and relax as I bring you, word for word, what is going down at the headies 2012… We’ll take a commercial break now and when we come back, I’ll fill you in! Just stay locked in to my blog, comment, like, feel free!!
*sips cocktail* Its your girl Sticky Fingers!! Leggo!!!

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ALWAYS ULTRA ADVERT.
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TWO WOMEN PREGNANT FOR FUNKE AKINDELE’S HUSBAND!!

In her late 30s, Modinat Nike Dada, a Lagos business woman is seven months pregnant for Funke Akindele’s husband, Kehinde Oloyede, according to E24-7.
Modinat, mother of two boys and popularly known as Mama Dayo, was formerly married to a man simply known as Dayo. Both have since separated. The marriage crashed someyears back due to irreconcilable differences and alleged domestic abuse.
After months of pulling out of her marriage, Modinat’s path crossed with Kehinde Oloyede, popularly known as Kendoo. Incidentally, Kendoo, a property merchant is the landlord of her sister’s shop in Oshodi. He found in her a good and amiable friend and as fate would have it, she found herself in his arms.
Modinat and Kendoo instantly became an item and they were seen together at some of their close friends’ private parties. The romance thickened, they shared great moments together and there was pressure to get pregnant. Not once or twice inside sources said the Ota, Ogun State-born woman was accompanied to several spiritualists and gynecologists by Kendoo in their bid to seal their romance with a baby.
Sometimes in March, she got pregnant and filled with joy, she announced to her lover-boy, who close sources said was not ecstaticabout it. “He practically took off, he stopped coming to her house, shunned all entreaties and stopped picking her calls,” the source hinted.
The following month, Modinat was shocked to read in magazines and newspapers that Kendoo wanted to marry Nollywood actress Funke Akindele. She was devastated, flustered but once again, her family rose andstood firmly behind her.
In the last few months, Modinat has been under intense pressure to keep her mouth sealed and advised to avoid the media. Sources close to her confirmed that she has been inundated with calls by several people close to the famous actress, Funke Akindele, to keep a low profile and keep the ‘family’s’ dirty linen away from the public.
She has been promised juicy offers if she delivers without spilling the bean and grudgingly she has accepted. Modinat, who currently lives in a tastefully furnished apartment in Agege area of Lagos has accepted her fate and rejoices in the fact that the baby she is expecting would bring joy back to her again. Since her former hubby took her two boys away she has not set her eyes on them, she feared the estranged hubby might move them abroad and cut her links to them forever. Her consolation is in the baby she’s expecting to be her companion in years to come.
As it were, Funke Akindele’s hubby with five kids already is expecting in the next few months three additional children in his harem. His second wife, Fadekemi is in the last trimester of her pregnancy and is due todeliver soon. Modinat will also have her babylatest in December, while Funke Akindele, reported to be in her first trimester, is expected to deliver mid-July 2013.

Charles Novia Criticizes Tonto Dike’s Songs.

‘Tonto’s Terrible Tremolo’
-as written by Charles Novia.
‘I have restrained myself for a couple of years from commenting on Tonto Dike’s career after my last comments about her role in the soft porn movie she acted in two years back, were badly taken by her and she went on twitter to hurl infantile insults on my person with expletives and uncomplimentary remarks. My reaction to such then was just a dignified silence. Afterall, I had already spoken on her stunted talent as an up and coming actress and further comments on her incensed tweets were unnecessary.
All through the past few hours, the social media networks have been abuzz with the new singles of actress, Tonto Dike. She seemsto have joined the actors of her ilk who have the moonlighting itch to delve into singing. While no one can stop such an ambition by those artistes, I do think those who surround such artistes are their worst enemies if they can’t tell them the truth aboutleaving their sometimes doubtful day job. Well, I will! I listened to Miss Dike’s two singles a few minutes ago and my initial speechlessness morphed to a nagging laughter and then subsided into a befuddled anguish. I’m a music label owner (November Records) and have produced and Executive Produced acts like Majek Fashek, Terry tha Rapman, Zubby Enebeli etc. I know much about music and the slant of commercial music. But after listening to Miss Dike’s songs, I’m inclined to align with the majorly negative comments about them on cyberspace. Ah-ah! Whoever produced her knew she has a bad voice for singing and masked our listening torture with the Autotune effect. But even the Autotune rejected any attempt to make a bad voice worse and Miss Dike came out sounding like she was in mid-stream orgasm instead of singing! Her anguished tremolos would havebeen better reserved for a horror movie sound effect than an attempt at joining the revered profession of music. If Omotola got away with her last two terrible attempts at singing, it was because Omotola is a fantasticactress and her fans could forgive her musical failings after backtracking her body of work in Nollywood. With Tonto, I can’t say much either for her acting depth. She’s a one-dimensional actress in my opinion, who mistakes notoriety for fame. She needs more training in acting and this I say with all senseof professionalism as a movie Director. She might achieve greater heights in acting if shetrains more. But she has no heights to achieve in singing. Only a downward plunge, the stuff bad endings in movies are made of.’

KWAM 1(K1) Impregnates Close Friend Gbenga Islander’s Babe Titi Masha!!

Popular Fuji crooner, Chief Wasiu Ayinde Gbolahan Marshall, K1 De Ultimate, is not in the best of mood at the moment. The reason?His close friends are spoiling for a showdownwith him for betraying the trust they imposedon him.
K1 is reported to have snatched a certain Titi Masha from one of his best buddies, Gbenga Islander. The issue has become the most discussed among his friends and fans as well.
Sources who should know disclosed that Gbenga and Titi were lovers for a couple of years. But the affair crashed when Gbenga was prevailed upon by his friends, to dump Titi when they observed that she was tarnishing his reputation with her less dignifying ways of doing thing. When Islander finally decided to dump her, his decision was greeted with a strong resistant from the lady. She resorted to blackmail and threaten to destroy her former lover. But the handsome Big Boy refused to be moved. When she realised that her threat would not yield the desired result, Titi then decided to seek the help of K1 to plead on her behalf. Yetagain, Islander stood his ground and vowed never to have anything to do with her again. Titi didn’t take this well. And she decided to hit back at him, in a very distasteful way. She was alleged to have lured the Fuji king and before long, the two became lovers. The secret affair led to pregnancy and people cannot just stop
talking about it. However, Islander has refused to allow the issue affect his relationship with the Fuji crooner, whom he takes to be a mentor.
And on Monday, Titi decided to launch thrust herself into society consciousness, when she hosted a party to mark her birthday. She requested from her friends at the party to take pictures of herself and her lover, and sent out to people. Titi, who used to manage her mother’s shop in Surulere, is said to have complained to her friends that she was tired of being kept in the closet. She has resolved to deal with her former lover, Gbenga Islander and his friends for denigrating her reputation.
Sources also claimed that K1 feels so remorseful over the issue. He has reportedly pleaded with his beautiful wife, Wendy and Islander to pardon him. He has also promisedhis wife that he will not explore the possibility of marriage with the former lover of his most ardent fan.
viaTheAristocrat