What Do Men Really Want???

As timeless as this question is, it still remains one of the unanswered controversies in the aspect of dating and psychology. What do men really really want?. Let’s over look the general mis guided conception that all men want is sex! Personally I believe that only shallow minded men look for just sex in a relationship. But taking it in deep and trying to get to the core of a man’s want is hard. Unlike us women, our intentions are laid bare ranging from demanding gentleness or trust, or care, it all boils down to the same thing; a woman wants security! Well, we are here to talk of men!. After a series of failed relationships and a recent group discussion, I dare to try and state what I think men want.
First of all, I think what a man wants in a relationship is a safe place to relax, stress free, nag-free, away from te facade of the world and just be himself with his woman.
Men don’t want their relationships to be a second job of some sort! Men want a place where they can be accepted for who they are and for who they are not! Men want consistency and routine, because that is what relaxes them. ”Same place, same thing” calms them down. Yes, they like change and excitement from time to time, but what they really want in our primary relationship is a place where they can be at peace, where wedon’t have to have our “fight or flight” response triggered.
They want a safe landing zone after all the soaring around. They want to know that there’s someone at home waiting to listen to all their exciting experiences and just be there for them!.
In as much as men don’t want to multitask and they don’t want to speak in the language of feelings. They’re not built to do these things optimally. They can do them, and of course, sometimes must, but they’re not designedto do them very well.
Keep in mind that a man will always be a man though. This is just a personal view on what I think men want. You think otherwise?

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Before You Say ‘I Do’…

A wedding lasts only a day, but marriage lasts forever. Yes, I am aware that you and your partner are totally in love and can’t wait to get married, however, marriage is not as simple as it sounds, Its a whole different ball game from courting or dating. It is therefore pertinent that the couple should take time to discuss the underlisted before they recite their vows.
1. Your Home. Even if you’re already shacked up, you won’t live in that second-floor rental unit forever and it’s important to discuss the type of home you envision sharing together in the future. Do you want to live in a condo? A house with a yard and a two-car garage? Would you consider moving to a different city? Will your husband get a “man-tuary?” How many times a month will you entertain?
2. Religion. Whether you’re an interfaith couple or you share the same beliefs, you have to discuss the role of religion in your relationship. While your families may try to influence the role of religion in the lives of your children, especially, it’s important “that the two of you decide how you will practice your faith and train your children” before the wedding, says Dr. Sago. Will you both take thechildren to church (or to synagogue or the mosque)? What will you do if your child wants to experience other faiths?
3. Children. Before you even agree to marry someone, you need to make sure that you’re on the same page re: offspring. Do you both want to have children? If so, how many? If you can’t have biological children, would you consider adoption or in vitro fertilization? Do you share the same discipline philosophy?
4. Sex. Being intimate is an important part of a married couple’s relationship. But having sex isn’t enough to guarantee marital intimacy: talking about sex is also important.”You need to feel that you can trust telling your partner your sexual needs,” says Dr. Sago. Do you feel comfortable sharing your desires with your partner? How many times aweek do you expect to have sex in your marriage? Are you happy with your sex life? What do you love about your sex life? What do you wish was different?
5. Money. Every couple has their own way of managing their finances. While there’s no right or wrong method, Dr. Sago warns against keeping separate bank accounts, unless you also have a shared one. “It’s not good to have anything but ‘ours’ in a marriage,” he says and separate bank accounts create a sense of “mine” and”yours.” Will you combine all of your finances?Put a certain percentage in a joint account and keep the rest in personal accounts? Or will you keep your finances totally separate? Do you have similar spending habits? If not, how will you deal with these differences throughout your marriage? Who will be in charge of paying the bills?
6. Communication. That’s right–you gotta communicate about communication! If you have communication issues now, then it’s going to be very difficult to work through bumps in the road once a mortgage and children come along. “Arguments never solve a problem,” says Dr. Sago. Rather than raising your voices when you disagree on something, he recommends that you sit down across from each other and discuss your feelings regarding the issue. It’s important that each spouse listens to and considers the other person’s feelings, rather than focusing on who is right or wrong. What are your perpetual issues? Do you have the same approaches to communication? Are there certain communication techniques that work better for you?
After these have been put into considerations and duly agreed upon, then you can now jointly and happily enter into marital ties without fear!!.
Happy Married Life!!!! 😉

A Listening Ear……

The beauty of listening

 

 

 

One of the things i love doing is taking part in group discussions on affection and happiness. It is truly deeply rewarding. It is awesome how much learning happens during these sessions when we listen intensely both to ourselves and to the intimate confessions of others. Last week, i spoke with one of my personal mentors and he analysed how human beings face challenges in focusing attention. It’s amazing to note that practically all relationship books contain a communication segment. Solid relationships are built on communication. However, one important aspect of communication which we tend to over look is LISTENING? Effective communication begins from having the same language of communication. It’s also not easy to be able to calm a troubled mind in order to absorb information despite noise and interruption from the surroundings. In addition, trying to figure out answers while a person is still speaking is a distraction. During this past weekend, on saturday around 2:30pm,  my older sister was settled in front of the tvwatching her suspense movie, when there was a knock on the door and her friend w alked in without her husband (this was strage because they always visited together). After exchange of greetings,  the lady started a conversation about how  her husband was out of town for a training.  To her utmost shock,when the movie ended, my sister turned  turned to her and asked why she didn’t come with her husband as usual.  She had to repeat the whole story.  Listening is not only limited to spoken words, but also involves emotional listening. To be a good listener, you must pay attention to eye contact, facial expressions, voice and all necessary gestures. Always note that right listening leads to accurate response.